Relationships need attention in order to ensure they remain healthy. My wife and I have been together for over a decade, and we have been married for over 8 1/2 years. I feel confident in telling you that she knows me better than anyone I know, and I know her the same. This did not come about by chance.
Over the decade of our relationship, Shawna and I have not always been intentional about dating. This seemed to go in waves over the first four years of our marriage. We tried making time, but life does not always align properly for date nights. Waiting for the right time never seemed to pan out.
As part of our routine over the last four years we decided that we would make intentional time for the health of our relationship. We have four kids, and our schedules are a little whacky some times. This meant that those perfect times for dates were becoming scarce. It was time for us to make it happen.
I remember talking with Shawna about the future, and dreaming together about where we wanted to be in 20 years. During our conversations, we agreed, that in twenty years, it did not matter nearly as much where we ended up, but it was vitally important that we were doing it together. Achieving a dream or goal while losing people along the way will make the achievement seem hollow and empty.
In my previous career, I was a salaried employee, and I would work six days a week, and even on my days off I was checking in with work. This meant that I was literally married to my job. It even felt that way for a long time. Six days and 60 hours a week was consuming my life, but I justified it as a means to achieving success, and the dream of the next promotion. I also convinced myself that providing financially was the same as providing emotionally.
It was not until I accepted the call to ministry, and I was able to slow down that I realized how much of our life as a couple my wife was doing alone. I would leave for work before 6 am, and return home around 6 pm. The unhealthy relationship with work that I had developed took time to correct. It was in the middle of 2018 when Shawna and I started to date again.
We were blessed by a friend who was willing to watch our little kids during the day, so Shawna and I could go on a lunch date. These dates became part of our routine, and eventually allowed us to begin exploring our future. We had been so frantically working at the day to day grind that we had not considered the future as more than fantasy.
While going on dates, we started formulating plans for how we were going to achieve the dreams. We also started to see our future as more than just doing the same thing 10 or 20 years from now. As we dug deeper, and concocted crazy ideas, we both realized that the dream was important, but the journey toward the dream was equal to it, as long as we were pursuing it together.
All that being said, the renewal of our relationship began when we started courting each other again. The depth of our relationship continues to grow every day. This is because we found new intimacy through sharing our dream for the future.
When was the last time you took your wife on a date? Did it just happen, or did you plan the time together? Getting married is not the end of dating, it just means you continue to date the same person for the rest of your life. Take them on a date, today if possible.
Grateful for you ❤️❤️❤️