Quality Time

I am a strong proponent of the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. In fact, his book changed the way I look at almost all relationships that I engage in. Personally, I am a Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation guy. I am equal in both of these languages, and most people who know me well would confirm this.

As it turns out, two of my kids share the love language of Physical Touch, my youngest seems to share both Physical Touch and Gift Giving, and my wife and my eldest son are Quality Time people. While physical touch comes easily, I have to work hard at Quality Time. I tend to have a short attention span, and quality time takes undivided attention.

I joke with my wife all the time that she only wants to talk when I am about to go to sleep. This is an exaggeration. The truth is that those moments before bed are often times the only time when we can have a conversation that is uninterrupted. Most of the day we have work, chores, and kids drawing a great deal of our focus. At night we find that as we get ready for be, all the distractions are gone. This time is when we have our best talks, and we are able to go deeper into serious topics.

In all honestly it use to drive me crazy. I wanted to sleep, and she wanted to talk. Then I remembered her love language, and it suddenly clicked, this was our quality time. When this connection happened in my brain I was able to see that this was not her desiring to bother me while I was trying to rest, rather this was how my wife was asking to be loved.

Loving my wife well does not mean showering her with affirmation and hugs (though she does love hugs), loving my wife means speaking love to her how she needs it. These late night conversation, with no interruptions, help her to not only feel loved, but also serve to reassure her that I love her and am invested in her.

My eldest son speaks quality time too. Today all three boys and I went to a Sportsman Show, and I know that my son wanted to come so that he could spend time with us, though he could care less about the outdoors. Connecting with him has taken some more creativity over the last few years as he has grown up into a young man (now 16 years old). In fact, he drove us to the event. He came today so that he could spend time with the rest of us. I was great spending time with him.

The biggest lesson I have learned is that loving him is not about me. Loving my son is about finding the way to create quality time with him. He is an amazing kid, and as he grows, so do I. I want to love well, this means I have to be willing to get out of my comfort zone and do the things that have an impact of the other individual.

Speak love to those around you, and use a voice that they can understand.